Who Is Most Likely To Win World Cup 2022 5 Sure Signs of the "Second Wife Syndrome"

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5 Sure Signs of the "Second Wife Syndrome"

You met your Prince Charming…so you thought. He was perfect, and you loved the way he was devoted to his child, and how diligently he took care of his responsibilities. He was loving and flexible with his ex-wife, and you were convinced that life would be perfect. Then you got married. Before long your bubble had burst, and the ex-wife and the child seemed to be crucial in daily life. You, and your children, seemed to follow. Ahh… the life of the stepfamily. No one understands the implications of such a family until you are placed in one.

I’ll be honest, I never thought my stepfamily life would be as hard as it has been – but I tell you, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have been through some of the most miserable times of my life – all for God to lift me up and set me on a firm and lasting foundation. My stepfamily life was all part of God’s plan, and I know he has a plan for you!

For those struggling with the “second wife syndrome”, take heart. Grab a cup of coffee and let me tell you a little about my story, give you some signs that you are in trouble, and hopefully give you a glimmer of hope. I stand firmly on God’s word to tell you that no matter what the situation is in your marriage, there is hope and recovery available for every marriage and every step-family.

First of all, have you ever considered the dynamics of the family that Jesus was placed in? Since he was born of the Father, his earthly father, Joseph, was actually his stepfather. Then, to grow up with brothers and sisters who most likely saw Jesus as the “favorite” child…can you imagine the amount of sibling rivalry in that house? We tend to feel inadequate because of our “step-family” status, when Jesus, the Savior of the World, was actually part of one. Rest assured that God can take the biggest, most dire situations and make a masterpiece out of them.

Here are five signs that you have given room to the “second wife syndrome” in your home:

1. You feel “second”. Although this may seem confusing to some, those in this position understand exactly what it is to be “second”. The ex-wife and the child always come first, the constant sacrifices, and the constant feelings of injustice that the new wife and child feel. I married a Godly, wonderful man, and while everything in our relationship was healthy and happy, this one area of ​​feeling “second” made me extremely miserable in my marriage. Step-family life is much different and much more complicated than traditional families and many second wives feel that… “second”.

2. You are easily offended: You may be a confident and happy woman, but since marrying a man with an ex-wife and a child, you feel inadequate, insecure and everything little offends you – especially things that revolve around the child and / or ex-wife. I remember crying several nights while washing the dishes – all because of small causes that bothered me.

3. You compare yourself to the Ex-Wife: I can’t tell you how much this one can negatively affect your marriage, your self-worth and your ability to be successful in your court- family. This dominated my life for the first year and a half of my remarriage. I had thoughts like: “she was the first choice, skinny, she has a child with him, she has money, and she has his memories”… the list could go on and on. I struggled desperately with this in my marriage, and finally conquered it forward, and won.

4. You feel the need to “Win”. You want control… over your home, your money, your husband, his decisions, and the ex-wife – there are too many to list here! It is very easy for second wives to get into the habit of wanting control. In stepfamily life, there are too many variables, and you cannot control the outcome of other people’s decisions. As a second wife, I had to learn this – and it took me a while! I was miserable because I wanted the ex-wife to make the right decision, I wanted the child to do the right thing, I wanted my husband to tell them to do the right thing, and I i want everyone to see my point of view. I realized that my unhappiness had nothing to do with my step-family members – it had to do 100% with me, and my need for control. It was unnecessary, unhealthy and made my step-family suffer.

5. You have thought “I want to get out”: I can’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep, thinking I wanted out. I wanted my stable, happy and predictable life back. I felt wronged, I felt lied to, and I felt duped into this stepfamily stuff! I was a mess, and I was messing up my marriage and my step-family. If you’ve thought this, take heart! I am here to testify that through Jesus, my marriage, my step-family, EVERYTHING in my life was transformed.

I suffered terribly from all of the signs above, and I truly believed that there was no hope for my marriage. My marriage was once on the brink of divorce – it is now full of passion, love and hope.

If you find yourself dealing with these signs, prayerfully consider counseling, therapy or seeing a Marriage Coach. Proverbs 14:1 tells us that “every wise woman builds her house, but the fool tears it down with her own hands”.

Becoming a stepmother and/or second wife is usually the most complicated and difficult part to play in a stepfamily – yet this is the role with the most potential for stepfamily change and success too!

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